I have put this off for the last 3 days. It’s because I despise this month with the heat of a thousand burning suns.
July.
The month of American Independence. And the month my beloved departed this earth. This month is full of memories, good and bad. This month has multiple emotional tripwires. So you can see why I put this off and why I dread this month.
However, the best way to combat that dread and the loathing is to express it and this is the medium I have chosen.
In a few weeks I will hit the 2 year anniversary of the worst day of my life. In a few days I will hit the anniversary of the day I started working with my late husband. Today I will be flooded with the memories of grilling in the backyard, setting off fireworks and the general joy of being with my love.
Did I tell you I despise this month?
I’m not celebrating anything this year, just like I didn’t last year. America can survive without my participation.
Before his death, July 4th was a happy holiday – the 4th’s I spent with him became special and I enjoyed the day much more. My husband loved this day. He loved to grill, he loved to go to the Firework’s stand and purchase as many as he could. He loved setting them off, and he loved watching the neighbors set them off. He was like a kid on the 4th, happy to celebrate his liberty and his love for the Founding Father’s. The 4th of July was his favorite holiday.
Alas, this is not mine, not anymore.