Life does go on, but that’s always a bitter pill for a widow/widower.
Somewhere in dark tunnel of grief, a light will eventually begin to shine. Entranced by that light, I scrambled from the darkness, intent on it shining on my face; but the sad truth is that no matter how fully I bathe in that light, I am never fully free from the darkness I fell into. I will forever feel a tinge of sadness, a bittersweet truth that cannot be denied. Everything I experience in life will always be stained with the feeling of loss.
So life went on, and I’ve found myself in more and more of situations that I feel confident I can handle and found knowledge and skills in me that I never knew I had. In the thick of those moments I never thought I’d be in alone, my mind wanders. It wanders to the past and the man who used to do this – side by side with me. I think of him often, that will never change, but instead of drowning in a wave of sadness, I feel the wave of bitterness. I am often surprised by my progress, but not long after that feeling of surprise, I feel the empty space he left. In that moment, the bittersweet truth is revealed – I am capable in my own capacity, but I will never feel the complete joy as when I felt with him in this life.
I cannot remain in that bittersweet realm, I must continue on. That bittersweet truth will continue with me on this journey, I must learn to subdue it, to consider it as a life companion but not the leader; it’s just that old acquaintance that likes to chat every once in awhile, but doesn’t stay for dinner.